Why Am I Living Like This

Every morning the alarm goes off at five-thirty. Each and everyday, it does not matter if it is Monday or Sunday. The sun is up, I am up; the sun is down, I am down. I am sitting in the chair, hands on the keyboard, and typing this paper.
My body is at the edge to physical exhaustion right now. My upper back, the biggest muscle group, is not only sore but also tired. I cannot describe this feeling. It’s unique and special for me.
Imagine yourself as a mommy. You are sitting in a chair instead of lying in a coffin. From your feet to your neck, your body does not wish to make any tiny move-not even crossing the leg or raising the arm. The only “useable” that still reminds are my fingers, my mouth, my eyeballs, and my brain.
This is not the first time I encounter this feeling. I have been though this for thousands of times. I used to lie on the bed, counting my breath and heart rate, but I would not fall asleep because my brain was not tired. It is just that my body is no longer responding to any commands given by my neurons.
I still remember when I first got started to live like this. I wanted to give up. Just like how any normal human beings would when they face difficulty. Give up, the easiest and fastest solution to all problems, but often, the worst solution. So I chose not.
I train six days a week, and on the seventh day I rest because I have too. Every morning I wake up, it is still dark and cold outside; I go to the bathroom and stare at myself though the mirror and repeats to myself of my values and goals.
I need motivations, all kind of motivations. Sometimes I may intentionally search for inspiring stories, quotations, speeches, mp3 files, etc. there are just too much pain, psychologically, physically, and spiritually.
But all this is only half of I. On the other half, I am a student, a hardworking one. In this essay, I want to tell you about my journey and why am I living like this. A life that is extraordinary, difficult, and unimaginable.
I was born in Kunming, China of a wealthy family. My father has his own business; my mother is a highly admired governor; both of my grandparents are university professors. My family puts education as their top priority; from elementary to high school, I received the best education one can possibly find in my city.
In my earlier youth, my family spoiled me since I am the only child. My life was filled with materialism. As a result, I tried to find something to do everyday so that the time could go by faster. I had set no goals for myself. Imagine a teenager with full of money in his pocket doing nothing but sleeping. That was I. Eventually; I became an infamy for the family.
I came to United States at the age of thirteen. Attended Chino Hills High School at first. In two months most faculties already disliked me because of the attitude I held. I was egoistic, prideful, and undisciplined.
The next year, my mother transferred me to Villanova prep School. She hoped since the school is catholic and private, maybe the strike rules and religion can transform or at least influence me. Soon, her assumption failed again.
Sophomore year, I received my first Board of Disciple (the highest degree of penalty in my school) for ignoring the instructions given by dormitory staffs, schoolteachers, and institution itself. My mother wrote letters to the teacher’s council begging for forgiveness. At the end, I was forced to sign a contract. The contract states that, in order to not get expelled, I will agree that I will not get into any more trouble in the next twelve month. In addition, three times I week I will meet with an psychiatrist because I was considered as an “troubled kid.”
Maybe I was. Junior year, just about nine months after I had just signed the first contract, I received another Board of Discipline. This time, cheating in multiple examinations. It ranges from English vocabulary quiz to Spanish final exam. My family knew at this point I would become a useless and even potential harmful person for the society. My grandfather had officially stated to me on the phone, “Steven, I have lost all my hopes in you.”
Senior year, with 1320 on SAT and 2.9 on GPA record; I was rejected by all of my colleges. Nobody knew this, not even my parents, college counselor, or even best friend. When the graduation took place, I was the only one in my class that did not get into a university.
But today, I stand here as student with 3.9 GPA on the record, an active volunteer for the society, and of course, an athlete. When look back, I really don’t know what changed me. I have attempted many times by using various techniques: photos, writing essays, talking with old friends, etc.
At the end, all I can recall are the conversations I had with school headmaster regarding with my false action and my visit to Harvard University in the summer of 2008.Till today, I still cannot find a logical reason for why I am not expelled form from the school after receiving two Board of Discipline in less than one and half year. The school is private, filled with kids of excellent family backgrounds. Why does such school allow me to stay while I am just destroying the school’s reputation? Perhaps it is all the prayers done by the sisters. I really don’t know. It is a mystery for me that can never be answered.
In the summer of 2008, I traveled to Harvard University, took a course that was not even close to my present education plan. All I wanted was an experience, an experience that cost fifteen thousand dollar. Boston was beautiful and Harvard was huge. At the end of one and half month of summer class, I learned nothing, but I did acquired two sets of new attitudes.
One came from a brilliant girl. Her name is Ada, an extraordinary student whom was once accepted by Harvard, Stanford, Yale, John Hopkins, and many other universities at the same time. She showed me the definition of hard work. On weekday, twenty-five hours of studying, which does not include the class time. On weekends, another eight to twelve hours more, depends on the class schedule. I assumed she must be super brilliant because of her grade and school reputation. I asked her how she did it. She answered, “Early bird gets the worm. It is all about discipline and hard work.”
The other attitude I acquired came from a handsome young man; his name is Dimitris. He showed me the importance of living. Dimitris is an international student from Greece, major in dentistry. One day we were in a Vitamin restaurant next to the Charles River having lunch. We were chatting on the subject of “life”. Dimirtris said, “studying is important because it is your job, but you are a human, you are born to live not to work.”
I packed these two sets new attitudes along with my luggage. It took time, pain, and even tears to reshape them to the ones that best fits me. Now, they are in three simple phrases: “discipline like a solider”, “work like a Harvard student”, and “train like an Olympian.” I know I am never going to become a solider, a Harvard student, or an Olympian. But I do know, I have a dream now: to make the world a good place, not better but just good, and in order to let my dream come true, I have to acquire all the good characteristics and personalities each of these group obtains-rigor, courage, confidence, discovery, creativity, hard work, problem solving, and at last, discipline.
All students are athletes and we are in constantly training. Our body is composed of more than seven hundred muscles. I classify them into two groups, the simple and the complex.
The simple includes all the six hundred and ninety-nine. They are the one you can touch and feel, for instance, your chest, your back, your leg, etc. they can be trained, be feed, be shaped and reshaped, by simple applicable formulas like workout and nutrient.
But there reminds one more. The one that is so complex, so unique that it can be never reshaped, and that is our human brain. It only weights three pound, but it is so powerful and unpredictable that it has the capacity to construct the most magnificent building in the world like the Versailles in France, but at the same time, it also has the capacity to design powerful killing weapons like the nuclear bomb. This is why school exists, to train the most complex part in human body, the brain.
Look back, I feel thankful for all the people I have met and lived. It is them, who established and created the present me. I appreciate pain and I befriend with fear because I understand now the only way I will grow is though pain, and only thing I should focus on are things I feared the most. Fish that swims against the current are often strongest. This and everything is the reason I lived like this. To train my body and my brain so hard so I may best serve the country, the community and